because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
