I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
