So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He did a backflip because drugs
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