Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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