My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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