I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
