I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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