Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
it was like his penis was on wheels.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
