ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
