I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
