hell yes lets make some ravioli
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
