im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
