evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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