I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
