I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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