i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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