Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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