and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
