fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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