great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
