so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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