I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize