I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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