Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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