So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
