I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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