I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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