you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
whose parrot is this?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
