we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I fill condoms, not promises.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
