maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
