shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize