How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
