Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
