tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
