I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
