He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
