I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
