He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
