I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
