Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
