I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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