Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
