it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
