She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
