I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
