I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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