she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
