we're chasing vodka with high fives
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
