I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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