By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
