hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
