so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize