I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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