if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
