FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
