i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Actions speak louder than pants.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
