You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have fence marks all over my body
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
