i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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