I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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