I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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