have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
