I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize