We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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