You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
