it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
