I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
