I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
