Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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