You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize