Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
