My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
