apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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