He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
