so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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