bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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