I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
