WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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