She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
