sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
