all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
