If that was your dad, he is hot
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
