I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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