Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Let's get the cat blown out
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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