if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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