week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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