I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
