Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize