take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
