I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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