He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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