did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize