I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
