the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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