OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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