it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
