he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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