Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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