we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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