omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
