I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
