Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We were destined to go to rehab together
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
