so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
